We talk a lot these days about setting healthy boundaries, and rightly so. Boundaries protect our time, our energy, our mental space. They help us stay grounded in what matters most. But like any powerful tool, they can also cut deep—especially when they’re used without care or compassion.

Recently, someone said something to me that stuck: “Well, you’re not really my priority.” It wasn’t said with cruelty. It may not have even been meant to hurt. But it did. And it made me reflect on the fine line between asserting yourself and dismissing someone else.

Boundaries Are Important. So Is Kindness.

When we talk about self-care and mental health, setting boundaries often tops the list. But we rarely talk about how we express those boundaries. Are we creating clarity, or are we creating distance? Are we protecting ourselves, or pushing others away?

Saying, “I can’t meet today because I’ve had a long week” is different from saying, “You’re not important enough for me to make time.” The intention might be the same—rest, recovery, self-preservation—but the impact? Worlds apart.

What Are We Really Saying?

Sometimes people use boundaries as a shield for discomfort, or as a passive way to exit a connection they no longer want. And while everyone is entitled to choose who’s in their life, it’s worth asking: If I care about this person, how can I express my needs without making them feel small?

Because words linger.

They shape how people see themselves and their place in your life. “You’ll never be my priority” might be true in a practical sense—maybe your kids, your partner, your health come first—but saying it so bluntly can leave the other person feeling unwanted or unworthy.

A Better Way to Say It

If someone’s asking too much of you, you can be honest and kind. Try:

• “I really value our connection, and I want to be there for you, but right now I’m stretched thin. Can we find another time?”
• “You matter to me, and I also need space for myself. I hope you understand.”
• “I care about you, but I’m not in a place to give this relationship what it deserves.”

It’s not about sugarcoating the truth—it’s about recognizing the human being on the other side of your words.

Why This Matters

Boundaries should protect relationships—not just individuals. If we value someone, we owe them clarity and care. We should ask ourselves: Why am I saying this? Is it to build a healthier dynamic—or to make a point, to gain control, to avoid discomfort?

Words can be doors or walls. Let’s choose them wisely.